


Pond Life: A-Side

by roryteller



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, tokophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-12
Packaged: 2017-11-15 21:30:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roryteller/pseuds/roryteller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of "A Good Man Goes to War" catch up to Amy when she misses a period. A different take on Pond Life and Asylum of the Daleks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. APRIL

Amy stared at the pregnancy test in her shaking hands. She was perched on the edge of the loo, the seat cold against her thighs. Half of her was disappointed — she'd always wanted kids, as had Rory... but half of her was relieved. She hated that half. The half of her that flashed back to the gloating face of Madame Kovarian, the dying scream of Madame Kovarian, the lines on her arm, River's smile, Melody's smiles. The half of her that could still feel the phantom of the baby she had lost and would never see again, from the brief moment that she had held her in her arms – and the splash of fake flesh as the false baby dissolved. The half of her that wasn't over it.

Rory would worry if she stayed in the bathroom too long, and so she chucked the test, put on her best smile and stepped out into the hall.

“False alarm.”

“We'll just have to try harder next time.” Rory pulled her in and gave her a quick kiss. 

Amy pulled away. “Yeah.”

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing. I'd better get dressed.”

She pushed past him and made her way to their bedroom, shutting the door behind her and letting herself slide to the floor.


	2. MAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy talks with her mother over lunch.

One cool evening, Amy picked up her phone.

“Hullo, Mum,” she said into the phone, “wanna grab a bite one of these days?” 

“Of course. Does Friday work? I'll be downtown picking up components for the new computer, we can meet over lunch.”

“New computer? Didn't you just build one?” 

“That was two years ago. And this one's for your aunt, her computer broke and you know how she is about her games...”

Amy laughed. “Yeah. So, noon at the old pub?”

“Sure.”

* * *

 

The pub was crowded, a mix of university students and businesspeople filling it with a friendly hum. Amy sat down in a corner to wait for her mum. Directly opposite her was a taxidermied boar's head that seemed to be staring at her with its beady glass eyes. The place was a little dim, and the décor was dated, but the food was good and the location better.

Tabetha Pond strode in, trailing a floral shopping trolley that almost matched her sundress, her short blonde hair someone rumpled by the wind. Amy flagged her down.

“I see your fashion sense is the same as ever,” said Amy, stifling a snicker. 

“Just because you're a model now, don't get all high and mighty with me! You'll always be my daughter. Come on, give me a hug!”

Amy obliged, and her mother settled down into a seat. The server – it was the new hire, a nervous young man with a cute butt (Amy liked the pub for a reason) – took their order and promptly brought their drinks.

Tabetha sipped her beer, then cleared her throat. “So. Usually when you call me you need advice. What happened?”

“Well, we've been trying for a baby for the last few months, but no such luck.” Amy wasn't sure how much to tell her mum. Explaining everything would take days.

“Your father and I had been married for three years when we had you, and not for lack of trying! It'll come, give it time.” She looked Amy in the eye. “Or is that not the problem? It's not like you, to worry about this so soon.”

_Damn her and her perceptiveness._ “I'm not sure if I'm more worried about failing or succeeding. I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a baby.” Again, she added silently. 

“Is everything okay with Rory? Is he pressuring you?” Tabetha reached across the table to cup her daughter's hand.

“No, he's as sweet as ever. Dear Rory,” Amy smiled a half-smile laced with pain. “But he wants kids so much. And I always did too, but not... not now. But I can't...” she could see the future they had planned together slipping through her fingers. _Not again._ “I can't let him down, I can't let us down!” I can't face this, I've lost so much already.

“That's bullocks! It's your choice, and if he disagrees you can tell him where to stuff it!” Tabetha's outburst drew stares from the other patrons as the server arrived with their food. She moderated her tone and leaned across the table. “The most important part is to take care of yourself. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Amy couldn't imagine just giving up on having more children. Yes she'd been a kissogram, and travelled the universe with the Doctor, but on some level she'd always wanted to settle down and have kids too, to have a semblance of normalcy in her life at last. She'd needed a fixed point, she'd needed it with Rory. That was part of why she had married him – love and settled life and little munchkins getting underfoot. 

“It's not that simple. I don't know what I want.” She didn't add that she was afraid of Rory's reaction if she changed her mind. _How could I do that to him? After all he's done for me?_  

“If you don't know what you want, it probably means you aren't ready.”

“Did you want more kids after I was born?”

Tabetha laughed. “With a little firecracker like you? I don't know if I could have handled two!”

Two Rivers... Amy sighed and shook her head. “Runs in the family, doesn't it.”

“Oh, I was a good child. I did all of my chores and cleaned my plate, unlike some children I could name.”

“Hey!” It was weird talking with her mum like this – Amy could also half-remember growing up with her aunt, and now, with her travels and her job she didn't see her family much. “That's not what Gran said!”

“I'm just saying, if you have kids, you'd better hope they take after Rory. Even now you're letting your food get cold.”

“With my luck they'll inherit his tenacity and my temper.” Amy ate a chip, half laughing. _River sure did._

“You haven't been fighting, have you?”

“Not recently.”

“You're right though, raising a Pond is a big responsibility. I should know!” Tabetha laughed and shook her head. “If you have kids, have them in your own time.”

“Thanks.” _My own time, huh. Whatever that means._ “Do you want to hear about my job?”

“Oh, do tell. I want all the latest gossip.”


	3. JUNE

The fertility test came back normal.

She'd bought it online on a whim and hidden it from Rory. She got up and put it in the trash, as far down as possible. The only one home was the Ood, which watched her slump down in chair with its tentacled head cocked to one side.

“Ood. What was your name again?”

“Zeta 2, Miss.”

“What should I do, Zeta 2? I wish the Doctor could come and fix things, but he can't. He's out there, somewhere, but even if he were here he couldn't do anything. We can't get Melody back, and we can't stop Kovarian. Even with a time machine...” Amy could remember her older self, the one they'd abandoned in a disappearing timestream. They had rewritten that past, but stopping her kidnapping and saving Melody would cause a paradox they'd have to undo. “Figures. The worst time of my life and I can't even remember half of it. And there's nothing I can do about it, either.” She shook herself.

“Why I am telling you all this? Zeta 2, please make tea.”

“Yes Miss.”


	4. JULY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy goes to see a doctor about contraception, and it brings back bad memories.

“I want something that I don't have to mess with. I don't want to have to take a pill every day,” Amy said to a doctor, crossing and uncrossing her legs. She'd gone to an unfamiliar clinic, one where, she hoped, no one would know her and no one would know Rory. Clinics and hospitals made her nervous, now, ever since she'd awoken in an alien medical facility, in labour – the antiseptic smell, the gowns, the closed-in feeling... She came up with an excuse every time Rory wanted her to meet him at work, and kept check-ups to a minimum. Perhaps one of these days he'd put two and two together, but for the moment she didn't want to talk about it. 

The doctor, a fifty-something woman with a mass of curly grey hair by the name of Finley, nodded and laid out several options. They settled on an IUD.

Amy bit her lip while Doctor Finley explained the procedure. _That'll be fun._

The actual procedure only took a few nerve-wracking minutes, but though Amy shut her eyes against the memories it wasn't enough to shut out the room where she had been held and the voice of Madame Kovarian and _the smell, the smell is the same and-_

“It's in.” declared Doctor Finley, removing the speculum and setting it aside. “How do you feel?” 

Amy let out a long breath. “Relieved?”

Her voice sounded high and thin.

“You're very pale.”

“Just a little light-headed.”

“That's not unusual. You can rest here until it passes.”

Amy stumbled out of the clinic in a bit of a daze a few minutes later. Only when she reached fresh air, away from the too-familiar medical smell, did she breathe freely.

“Well, that's done,” she said to herself, “for better or for worse.”

* * *

Amy had thought things would get easier with Rory, but she just felt guiltier and guiltier every time he tried to talk about the future. She began avoiding the subject, but after a while he noticed and she began to doubt that she would be able to stomach disappointing him.


	5. AUGUST

“We should split up,” said Amy from her place on the couch, a blank expression on her face. Her voice was calm, flat – she'd had time to adjust to the idea, to bury her feelings. She was sick of pretending to want children. _He should find someone else, someone who can give him what he wants._

Rory, of course, was taken aback. He'd come back from a long day at work and just finished changing into clean clothes. “What? What did I do? Did something happen? Why?”

“I don't think we can make it work, Rory. Day in and day out, this.” She gestured at the house, all the mundane items that made up their life together, a life she could no longer dream of, one that hurt now that it was real - the TV, the Wii, the dishes, the table, the little knick-knacks surreptiously pocketed in one time period or another, Rory's shoes by the door, her coat on a hook above them...

“Can't make it work? I stood guard for 2000 years and we can't make it work?” his voice rose. “A few months here are the end of us? You can't be serious!” 

“I can and I am. I thought I could settle down with you but this isn't working. I shouldn't have picked you in the first place!” As much as it stung to say those words, Amy meant them in that moment. If she hadn't picked Rory she wouldn't have gotten pregnant, wouldn't have been kidnapped, wouldn't have had and lost Melody, wouldn't have to deal with these feelings.

“You don't mean that. You can't mean that!”

“I do mean that.” _It's for your own good,_ she thought, _and mine._ “I can't take it any more, Rory! Do you know what I went through, all those months in captivity, losing Melody like that?”

“You're blaming that on me? You think I'm not hurt too? How dare you!”

“How dare I? You have no idea, do you? This is why, _this_ is why it can't work between us.”

“You want me out? Fine. I'm leaving. The Ood can keep you company.” He scooped up his jacket and stalked out the door.

_Oh no,_ Amy thought. _What have I done?_

Amy sprang to her feet, followed him out. “Rory!” she shouted but he just kept walking.

* * *

 

The house was empty, too empty. Even Zeta 2 was gone, whisked off by the Doctor the day after Rory left. Rory's stuff was disappearing too, bit by bit – no more photo of his parents on the mantelpiece, no more clothes that held his scent. He'd even taken the first aid kit and the centurion lunchbox. He was slowly erasing his presence, as though swallowed up by the crack in her wall.

The first thing Amy did when she got back from work the day after the Ood vanished was check the phone, half hoping that the Doctor had called.

After all, the Doctor had kept them together – after nearly tearing them apart. The Doctor could fix things. Somehow. Or at least fix her.

And once again, nothing.

“We need you, Raggedy Man,” she whispered. “I need you.”


	6. Epilogue: Asylum of the Daleks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all folks! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

Amy slapped the Doctor.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“You let me think I was going to turn into a Dalek.” She jabbed him in the chest with one finger, causing him to back up towards the TARDIS console. “You could have given me your bracelet right off but you didn't.”

“But it worked! You made up with Rory!”

“And maybe I'll thank you for that later, but right now I'm mad. You risked my life!” She jabbed him in the chest again and he took another step. “You risked my sanity!” Another jab. “You think you've solved all our problems but it's not that easy! You're so arrogant! My life is not a game, Doctor. There are. No. Cheat. Codes.”

By this time he was bent half-back, off-balance, most of his weight on the console. “I, I'm sorry. But you wouldn't have turned into a Dalek, I wouldn't have allowed it.”

“That doesn't change the fact that you let them muck around with my mind. I saw them dancing, Doctor! Dancing! Maybe that's what their madness is, dancing. Their madness is humanity! I could have ended up like Oswin, trapped in a metal shell, making imaginary soufflés with imaginary eggs for the rest of my life. Or worse. How can I trust you when you do that? After all I've been through?”

“I-”

Amy had no pity for the shock and confusion she could see written across the Doctor's face. “I would die for Rory, but that is not a choice you can make for me. Give us a few months, Doctor, to fix things the old-fashioned way. Maybe I'll forgive you by then.”


End file.
